Just melancholy

As I stated in my previous post, I had a remote consultation with a doctor yesterday. He told me that i just have to wait for the panic attacks to be less frequent. He told me to live with this. Firstly, I stated my emotions are more stable than before, but then I said panic attacks were more frequent and intense. The doctor said I am trying to manipulate him. I think he does not care about it, and this is weird, because it was a private visit, not covered by insurnace. I guess I will have to just start carrying some not legally acquired pills or go through panic attacks without them. I must also mention the doctor called an hour and a half after the scheduled time. I was too scared to ask for something to take in case of panic attacks, because I thought he could write me a compulsory refferal to a closed ward.

Note to myself: drug dealers are nicer than doctors.